


When he loved me.

by ALLIEDARLING



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 21:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALLIEDARLING/pseuds/ALLIEDARLING
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First off there arnt enough solkat fics and its a shame, second, this fix. is one hell of an anxty motherfucker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When he loved me.

Your name is Sollux Captor and- ya know what fuck that shitty generic opening.

Your life is shit. Everything goes to hell. You want out of your house but that won't happen till college. For now your stuck as a sophomore in high school. You finally got your working papers, and after quitting at hot topic, you found a job opening at F.Y.E at the boulevard mall. Work has been great, mainly because you're surrounded by video games and away from your house. You daydream in front of the game advertisement cutouts in the back as your stacking and price tagging used and returned games, mainly halo 4, sense it just came out, and as soon as people play it, they tend to return it. You daydream about that beautiful boy with the deliciously melancholy background. You loved him. Everything about his past made you want to cry, he was bitter and mean, attacking with every reply, god you loved him. But you were lead on and fooled...his /boyfriend/ Dave strider insured you that the two of them were /not/ in an open relationship as he had said, and jesus did that kill you, in one felt swoop he was taken from you forever, and who was blamed? You.

That gorgeous dark haired boy yelled at you, saying he knew what you did, you could only leave your jaw dropped in shock, tears poured down your face as you kept mouthing the words ‘what did i do?’ in truth, you did nothing. You found another person, who was hurt by the same boy that still holds your heart. Her name was Nepeta, you and her would and still do talk from time to time about him...apparently he put all the blame on her too when he liked her, and forced her to say sorry like you had to, and then ignored her when he should have been on his knees saying sorry, just like he should have with you when you said sorry, for being bitchy, but he probably took it as sorry for everything.

It WAS your fault for falling in love for him, but he didn't deny you like he should have, he didn't tell you no, or that you had no chance, in fact, he told you over and over that you did, that he loved you too, that he wanted to /run away/ with you, like you wanted all your life, that he LOVED YOU. and then just....pushed you aside, saying he loved Dave more, saying it was a mistake, that it was all your fault, that you were a terrible person. You can barely bring yourself to think of his name but...Karkat, yes his name was karkat, and he came through your life life a vicious hurricane. The worst part was he forgot to finish his job and kill you, no you were just wounded beyond repair. The most twisted fact, you would give anything to be in the eye of the storm again. 

Your manager, and friend, Aradia taps your shoulder. 

“Sollux? Are you alright?” she says, oh god, you were sobbing.

“Im Fine Aradia thorry.” You reply, you've always had a lisp.

“Why dont you take a 15 min break, i'll put john in charge of this for now.” She replies  
“Well, if yoru thure, then thankth.” you say as you walk out toward the food court.

 

As you sit down at a table you think to yourself, of every last thing he said to you...when you first told him you loved him, but then hid away, signing off pestercom hoping to avoid his reply, his decline. He left you a message you listened to, over and over, him saying he wasn't mad, him saying he /needed/ to talk to you, you put your head down on the table and cry as you listen to it. Now in fact, he might as well be mad at you, he doesn't talk to you, doesn't want to. You have tried, he replied only once when you were mentioning an old ex slapping you, and that you deserve it, he only replied to tell you that; yeah, you did. Long story short with that, you lead on your ex of hope of the two of you getting back together, and had intentions of doing so, till she showed she wasn't going to change and there was no hope for the two of you, and then when you decided that, about a week later she asked if there really was hope, and you replied no, that's what you get for just trying to stay friends. Then you get blamed for only leading her on so you could use her, and that was the biggest lie, you do nothing but care for her and anyone you have ever loved, honestly you never stop loving people you just stop the over the top dramatic heated lovey dovey stuff. Its in your nature as a gemini to be dis-interested easily. But the attraction you had to Karkat, was more them a magnet, it was one of those industrialized sized magnets like in toy story. It was like a burning arrow filled with acid that stabbed you in the back multiple times when he abandoned you. Yes Abandoned. 

You have no hard feelings against Dave, he was doing what anyone would do. but what made you angry is that he insisted in /no/ way were him and karkat in an open relationship...and even if you didn't ask for the specifications of their ‘open relationship’ which you did, (and to which karkat told you ‘oh he can flirt with whoever he wants, and i can flirt with whoever i want’ ) karkat would still be the villain here, yet, all the blame was put on you, for something you have no idea about in the first place! But you tend not to dwell on that, sense nepeta confirmed its basically him trying to blame all his faults on yourself but still. After all this, all you want is to grab him and kiss him till oxegen was a thing of the past. 

You stare at the hot topic diagonally left in front of you. You remember being at the counter and seeing him when he first walked in, dark makeup under his eyes, a dark navy blue aeropostale hoodie, headphones around his neck hanging over a my chemical romance band shirt, and black jeans. You swear you've never seen someone more attractive in your life. You missed him by about two weeks, two weeks ago he was single, its so freaking taunting that it kills you inside. He normally didn't buy anything, but he frequently stopped by the store when you had shifts, when he did buy something, you didn't check him out, you were still folding shirts or stacking shelves.

One day you went up to him and asked for his number, online you two texted almost all the time, and after a week you two skyped, at the end of that skype call you knew you were in love. This doesn't happen to you a lot, you use the term, love with great gravity so, this scared you, like the idiot you are though, you said something that ticked him off, some small pun joke about his name, right after you confessed his love to him, and he replied he loved you back. But he forgave you the next day, and you were sure never to make that joke again, and right then and there the situation couldn't be more awkward, but it melted away into feelings and blossomed into love the next two weeks, you were in deep, but apparently he was only splashing near the shore, because as soon as Dave had messaged you, Karkat ditched you the next day, just like that. You couldn't let your dignity go to shit, so you got angry, insisted he apologize, but he wouldn't, saying you should apologize, so you gave in to a ‘truce’ of some sorts instead. But while ranting to the general public of facebook that if a past offender of your life, Renalzma, should apologize to you then you would be cool with her, karkat took that as a stab at himself. and so started the ‘anonymous’ status war, which lead him to block you. when that happened you slipped into a depression and that leads to about now.

So now what?

Nothing. He lives far about 2 hours now. 

He wont reply to you.

he doesn't love you. 

you get to hurt.

and suffer. 

the end.

**Author's Note:**

> This actualy happened to me in real life, whoops.


End file.
